So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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