It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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