I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
