His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
