haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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