the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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