the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
