Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
wow bdsm is so cute
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
