Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the condom got lost in my hair
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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