apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
