I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
