hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
