she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
