I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
