i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
