i jhust puked up my retainher.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
