Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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