Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
ok first of all what the fuck
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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