And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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