You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
