your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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