i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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