Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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