my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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