I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
