Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
