I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
