yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
