Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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