even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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