woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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