she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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