I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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