My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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