i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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