You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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