He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
