I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
