so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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