I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
