Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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