You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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