how hairy? two words: wookie tits
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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