I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
