I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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