ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
whose ass print is on the piano?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
