just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
