Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
