You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just cropdusted the office
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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