Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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