Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
