Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
