Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
