So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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