Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
