I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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