the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
