can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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