I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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