I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
