Sacagawea was the original milf.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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