I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
