so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We are two peas in an std pod
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
