i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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