I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
