and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
