my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
