Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
there's paper in my vomit.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
