i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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