I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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