i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My dick has a subreddit
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
