when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize