Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
