Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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