the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
