Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
