i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
