Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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