I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
