Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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