dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
